he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
