Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
