A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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