Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
