Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
as a side note pls kill me
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