Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Someone shit on the floor
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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