And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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