just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
