This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
