Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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