I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
