Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
