Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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