So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
