But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
