Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
