Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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