Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
