just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
