Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
