Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
