Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
