Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
