tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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