UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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