All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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