i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
