Got a toothbrush?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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