I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
