Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
