If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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