I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
