I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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