my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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