he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
