the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
