I wish my penis had an off switch
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
