Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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