Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
