May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
