She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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