Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
