I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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