Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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