so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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