so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
