I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
