So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
