I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
