Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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