My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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