Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
