Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
