He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize