Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
