wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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