38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Are we still banned from the library?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
