Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
