when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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