im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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