I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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