That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
