weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
