i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
