your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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