Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
