Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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