i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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