I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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