I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
