yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
