Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
