dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
